Wednesday, May 26, 2010

What is a Fat Meal and why do you care?

My name is Brian. I spent the first 28 years of my life in different states of fatness. The first time I remember being called fat was in the 2nd grade when a classmate looked at me and said, "You're really fat." I had no idea. I though everyone sweat when they were sitting.

The fatness grew to new heights and by junior high I had become the typical fat shy kid. In fact, in 8th grade I was voted "Most Bashful." The original title of the category was "Most likely to lose his virginity last", but thankfully it was changed.

Over the summer between my last year of junior high and first year of high school, I realized that 3 kinds of guys got the ladies. Jocks, which I was not. Rich kids, which I was also not. And funny guys, which I was not. BUT, I figured I could learn.

And I did. I have spent every day since working on being funny. That, and about a million other insecurities, has led me to a career as a stand up comic in Nashville, Tn. It did not however lead me to any girls. I took me a few years to realize that the funny guys that got the ladies were also rich jocks that happened to be funny. But you live and learn. And eventually I found a beautiful woman that did like funny guys, and didn't mind the fact that I was plump, and she agreed to marry me. For richer or fatter. In sickness and in grease. Till my congestive heart failure do us part.

After a few years of marriage to a hot girl, and my doctor telling me that at 27 my cholesterol was high, I knew that I needed to get in shape. Long story short, I became friends with 2 great guys that were also personal trainers and they have whipped me, much like my beloved mashed potatoes, into shape. Every bit as milky white as mashed potatoes, but a lot firmer.

I have not quite reached me my physical goals. I started out weighing 260 lbs, and as of this morning weigh 205. But I am very close. This blog however is not about that trip. It's about the trip I will make once a week to have my Fat Meal.

A Fat Meal is a meal that, once a week, you get to eat whatever you want. No guilt, no shame. My body burns through the grease, fat, carbs, glaze, and sauce with ease because it is only once a week that I do it.

My typical eating schedule is as follows:

Brown rice and a protein shake for breakfast
Protein shake after working out
Chicken or tuna with rice for lunch
And then protein shakes every 3 hours until bed

You might think this sacrifice is crazy. But being fat is crazy. And I'm not ever going to do it again.

My Fat Meal journey will hopefully be shared and enjoyed with you. I would love suggestions on meals and restaurants that you think are worthy enough to be my one Fat Meal a week that I splurge on. I will review each meal and the whole rewarding experience and hopefully encourage the rest of you bashful fatties out there to change your fat ways. I hope you enjoy! Brian.

3 comments:

  1. Since you obviously just photohoped your after picture, at least adjust the tint so we don't all go blind! And for the fat meal, may I suggest two KFC double downs?

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  2. I was about 287 when I graduated HS. Fat Boi!!! I had always been big, but being a football player I lifted and ate ALL the time. After football, I stopped working out and you can guess what happened next. I moved to Florida, started playing basketball again, and started going to the beach. I ultimately went crazy working out every day, went vegetarian, and lost about 70 pounds. I went back to school to play basketball at 28 and was in the vest shape of my life at about 215. I have since stopped working out and I am back up to about 260. (I cant believe you were THAT big) I would love to get back in shape, but I know how hard it is to do so. It is definitely worth it though, and I think you have inspired me to get back at it.

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  3. Colburn, welcome to my every day. Dave, get back at it! You know you can do it. Good thing about the human body, it adapts and remembers. The fat will come off quicker this time.

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